The Lodge (Wine) Steward

Author Unknown.

Toastmaster (TM):       Brother Young, are you the Ostensible Steward of the Lodge?

Wine Steward (WS):   I am W. Bro. Perry, try me and prove me.

TM:      How were you first prepared to be made a steward?

WS:     I was divested of my coat and my arms were laid bare. An apron was placed about my waist, and a Corkscrew placed in right hand

TM:      Being yourself acquainted with the proper method you will instruct the stewards to prepare in the proper manner.

WS:     Brother Stewards (wait for them to stand) by the request of the Toastmaster you will prepare yourselves in the proper manner. (pause while they dress by placing a towel over their arm and holding a corkscrew)

WS:     W. Bro. Perry the stewards have prepared themselves in the proper manner.

TM:      Brother Young, What as a corkscrew?

WS:     An instrument fashioned like a winding staircase, up which our ancient brethren received their beer.

TM:      Where did they receive it?

WS:     In a convenient room adjoining the chamber.

TM:      And how?

WS:     In Tankards and Half Tankards.

TM:      Why in this peculiar manner?

WS:     In half Tankards, well knowing that the same would be replenished and in Tankards from the great reliance they placed in the integrity of the Brewers in those days.

TM:      What were the names of the two great Banners hung at the porch way or entrance to the Ancient Chamber?

WS:     That on the left was called Guinness, and that on the right, Big Rock Traditional (local Calgary Beer).

TM:      What were their separate and conjoined significations?

WS:     The former denotes in strength and the latter goodness and when conjoined INSTABILITY.

TM:      What is Beer?

WS:     A peculiar product of chemistry, veiled in mystery and illustrated by labels.

TM:      How is this depicted in our Chambers?

WS:     By a couple of Hops near to a barrel of water.

TM:      Brethren, these are the usual questions, I shall put others if any Brother wishes me to do so.

[pause]

Then Bro Stewards you will do your duty.